Le carnet de Valérie

Le courage,
C’est rentrer saoul au milieu de la nuit,de voir ta femme qui t’attend avec un balai en main et lui demander :
t’es encore en train de nettoyer ou tu t’envoles quelque part ?

Le culot,
C’est rentrer saoul au milieu de la nuit, entouré d’un nuage de parfum,du rouge à lèvres sur les vêtements, de voir ta femme qui t’attend avec un balai en main, lui taper une fesse et dire : t’énerve pas, c’est ton tour.

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Je sais pas si c’est rien que moi, mais des fois on dirait que j’essaye de faire un nombre d’activites habituellement étalé sur 6 mois en une semaine!! Écoutez bien le petit résumé de ma semaine en cours.

Tout en travaillant aux USA chaque jour (i.e. réveil à 5h00am et 2.5 hrs de voiture par jour!!), j’ai trouvé le moyen de:

- nettoyer l’appartement de mon duplex lundi soir

- m’entrainer mardi et mercredi soir

- fêter Rosh Hashana mercredi soir avec ma belle-famille (dodo à 1h00am jeudi matin)

- réveil à 5h00am jeudi matin-travail

- faire des emplettes mardi-mercredi-jeudi soir

- cuisiner jeudi soir (2 gâteaux plus un plat indien pour la fête a mon chum de vendredi soir)

- fête a mon chum vendredi soir (i.e. 24 personnes à la maison pour un potluck indien)

- tournoi de golf de bureau samedi

- wedding shower dimanche matin

- départ en avion pour 1 semaine en Indiana dimanche soir

- jouer avec mon bébé chiot tous les jours

Mes bagages sont pas encore fait et j’ai toujours aucune idée de ce que je vais mettre au golf samedi!!

Pour moi je suis comme Hermione dans “Harry Potter” et j’ai un nombre additionel d’heures dans une journée.

Mes trucs!?!… certains vont me demander.

Être multi-task!! Optimiser mon temps, prioritiser et surtout faire une bonne vieille TO DO list.

C’est bien l’fun et surtout ça veut dire que j’ai plein d’amis. Mais des fois, ça passe un peu trop vite. Et on dirait que je ne profite pas assez du moment présent parce que je suis déjà en train de penser et établir le plan de match de la prochaine étape. Fonctionnel mais non pratique. (On croirait entendre mon chum!!)

Bon boulot m’attend. Ma production de doit pas diminuer sinon j’y arriverai pas.

Au moins, ce que je me dis, c’est que j’ai pas vraiment le temps de me trouver des bobos et de m’appuyer sur mon sort. Comme certaine personne font. Ce que je ne peux tout simplement pas endurer. Ça bouge!!

 

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As I was wasting my lunchtime on the Internet, I found this:

http://www.swmoore.com/kt_fruitsandvegetables.html

Have fun!

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Oh my god…that was amazing!!! Such a beautifull trip. Everything went well, no bad experience…nothing more to say except: WOW!!!

Pictures and details will come soon, however it will be at our new blog: www.nosfolies.com.

 

Meanwhile, we are looking to buy a dog, a Jack Russell more precisely. If any of you know anything relevant (like sellers, good/bad comments, etc), please tell me.

 

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Girls, a philosophy to follow!!!

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a Bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a Bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a Bitch.

Being a bitch
means I won’t
compromise what’s
in my heart.

It means I live my life
MY way.

It means I won’t allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and
speak against it, I am defined as a
bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone’s maid, or when I act a little
selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be
who I truly am and won’t become anyone else’s idea of what
they think I “should” be.

I am outspoken,
opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is
nothing wrong with that!

So ! try to stomp on me, try to
douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of
beauty I hold within me.

You won’t succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch ,
so be it.

I embrace the title and
am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

“If you can’t do something right, get a woman to do it.”

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Someone sent this to me, and I’m still laughing!!….:))) 

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic.

I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my “time of the month” is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from “Aunt Flo”. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women.

In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period.” Are you fucking kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” or “Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong”, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep…

Always. Best,

Wendi Aarons Austin, TX

April 09th 2007 Posted to Ahahaha

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Voici un petit test, afin de valider si vous avez le meme thinking qu’un enfant!!

 1) Comment fait-on pour mettre un elephant dans un refrigerateur?

R: on ouvre la porte, on rentre l’elephant, on ferme la porte. (et oui…aussi simple que ca!!)

2) Comment fait-on pour mettre une girafe dans un refrigerateur?

R: On ouvre la porte, on sort l’elephant, on rentre la girafe, on ferme la porte. (Allez, y faut de la suite dans les idees!!)

3) Le lion, roi de la jungle, fait une conference avec tous les animaux de la jungle, sauf un, lequel?

R: la girafe, elle est dans le refrigerateur (non, mais vous avez la memoire courte!!)

4) Vous devez traverser une riviere ou habitent des crocodiles. Que faites-vous?

R: Vous pouvez la traverser sans probleme, car les crocodiles sont a la conference de la jungle que le lion a organisee. (Definitivement, vous n’apprenez pas de vos erreurs!!!)

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By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too  can find inner peace.   

 Dr. Phil proclaimed, “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you’ve started and never finished.”

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning,  
   

I finished off a bottle of Merlot,  

 a bottle of White Zinfandel,  

 a bottle of Bailey Irish Cream,  

 a bottle of Kahlua, 

 a package of Oreos,  

 the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, 

 the rest of the cheesecake, 

 some Doritos ,  
 and a box of chocolates.
 

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

January 11th 2007 Posted to Funny articles, Ahahaha

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